I am NOT a Role Model

by A. E. O'Neill

[Originally published April 14, 2000

It's funny how self-conscious people become once they know they're being heard. The repercussions are no longer confined to the shower/singing issue for those of us living online. Our opinions, designs and words are "out there" for the masses to consume, judge and possibly take to heart every day. Suddenly they're no longer our opinions — suddenly, we have a "duty to the public."

Because of the astronomic rise in lawsuits, from the justifiable (like Philip Morris and whoever it was that Erin Brockovich sued) to the ludicrous (too many to name), everyone with a message that reaches an audience beyond their immediate family is now on guard for potential liability. Anyone dispensing advice or opinions that could be considered politically incorrect (is anyone else sick of this term — can we get a show of hands?), would be crazy not to include a disclaimer stating that their opinions are just that, and that anyone stupid enough to actually take it to heart had better think again.

Another factor in this trend towards paralyzing caution is the plight of the North American Teen. My goodness, they are in a sorry state, aren't they (no pun intended)? They drink, they smoke and do drugs, they have promiscuous sex (what are we, jealous?); they starve themselves and we blame the media, they shoot each other and we blame video games. As a result, the adults of the world are contorting their publications into self-censoring, opinion-disclaiming ad portals.

Public schools are rethinking their grading and testing processes because when kids do badly in school, their self esteem suffers. And when kids have low self esteem... people die!

And in less extreme cases, they cut classes and spend their evenings dating, shopping and working on their cars instead of their homework. The logical end result being that if kids don't feel good about themselves, they'll quit school — and if they quit, schools lose government funding, which will then be spent on the military, and nobody wants that.

There's a great deal of money in keeping teenagers' self esteem high. Teachers and clothing retailers have the most to gain, I'm thinking. Of course, for retailers, it's a bit of a catch-22... keep their self-esteem high enough that they'll be attractive walking advertisements when they wear your clothes, but low enough that they'll believe they need your clothes to look good or be popular.

I recently stumbled upon (thanks, Alice!) a web site that defied censorship and political castration — er, correctness — by its very existence. It's a Pro-Anorexia site. It's written by a girl with anorexia, for other people with eating disorders. She loads the first three levels of her site with warnings and disclaimers telling people who disagree, or think they might be swayed to adopt the lifestyle she describes, to Stay Out. Then she goes on to describe her owns struggles and beliefs, for and against anorexia, and to explain why she won't let anyone change her mind.

For the record, of course, I don't support anorexia — disclaim, disclaim — but I do firmly support her right to do whatever she wants with her own body.

And the thing is, as horrified as we may be by that sentiment, it's the beginning of a backlash that's been long in the making. The biggest trauma that teenagers face isn't a lack of self esteem from watching too much TV or reading too many fashion magazines, it's a lack of self esteem from having too little power over their own destiny and the frustration of having desires that they can't fulfill. It's being told what to do and how to do it by people who don't look they've figured out their own lives yet.

Everyone in the public eye is under scrutiny by parents and legislators anxious to lay blame on anyone other than themselves. Everyone in the public eye is expected to be a "role model." When I was eleven, I adored Marilyn Monroe (before that, it was Barbie), and that terrified my mother ("Why would you idolize a dumb blonde who died of an overdose?") She represented everything a mother doesn't want her daughter to be, but at the age of eleven, I didn't care about that. Marilyn was as real to me as Wile E. Coyote (also a poor role model). I didn't want to be her or follow in her footsteps. I just wanted to bleach my hair and wear red lipstick — and eventually I grew out of that as well.

It's going to be interesting to observe the inevitable backlash, to watch people taking back the concepts of "free speech" and responsibility. You can't give someone self esteem, nor can you can you take it away by setting a bad example or by speaking your mind. The most insecure, and dangerous, people are those who have been underestimated, insulated, censored and silenced.